Sunlight

My mind reaches gracefully at the sunlit sky. I can feel the warmth at my eyelids and slowly my heart is beginning to melt. In the far back of my head there is something trying to get my attention. A voice I remember, with cheerful words it’s speaking about the sun and joy. Life and joy? Responsibility..

Is it the urge or really cheerfulness that forces me to the surface?
I smile, trying to convince myself that I’m happy. Trying to make me happy, trying to make me care again. Forcing myself not to think about the fact that I just want to lay down and… do what? Just lying there I think. And do nothing, not thinking.. Or just thinking.. Be still and don’t care about my surroundings.

Oh.. right.. Not think about that. The sun and the responsibility, check. I need to remember all the good things of living. This sounds so bad, like I have a death wish but I really don’t. I’m just numb.. And I both love and hate it.
I studied today.. Not much but still. Tomorrow I’ll be back in school. I’ll try to listen. It’s annoying to have cotton in my head. I need to hear, the test is on Thursday..

But as I said, this morning was bright and it felt sunnier today. Not as hard to care. So perhaps I’m on the right track. Nothing wakes you up better than organizing a children’s disco… I did and it was great, the kids loved it.

… And so did I!

Thanks and good night!